youre lurking in front of me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize