let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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