the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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