I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
