I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
