Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
