she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
