Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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