U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize