You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize