Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
