if i can run in heels then i can drive
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
