Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
