im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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