my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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