I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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