is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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