The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
