I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
