RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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