Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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