Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
