Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
