When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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