I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
