Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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