I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
