He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
