so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
smell my finger.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
