Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
