i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
