They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
