Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
