Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
