just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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