Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
