If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We got so high we made milksteak
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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