I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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