Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
