did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
