please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
