I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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