i was born a porn star she said
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
