I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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