We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
