there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
