I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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