wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
