Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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