Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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