I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
