video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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