Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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