she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
