he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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