this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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