When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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