Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
