The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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