haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
