do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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