Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
