Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
