A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
