i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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