just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
