he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
