you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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