he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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