I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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