she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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