Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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