Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
