Im at strip club and am horny
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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