don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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