What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
