I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
