I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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