Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize