i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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