how can u be prego again
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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