apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
