i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize