I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
