another moral hangover. fuck.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
