Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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