I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
