Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
