I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
